Driving?

Being without a car, and having it cost me so much all in one go, has changed me a lot.

Every time I get on a bus I find myself sighing with relief and thinking 'Thank goodness someone else is driving!'

I hadn't realised how much I've grown to hate driving. When the car came back I was once again grouchy parent, arriving everywhere feeling mega stressed. I'm not sure anymore how I was in the North East, but I know the extra cars on the roads down here in Yorkshire definitely aren't helping at all. Not only does it take ages to get anywhere but it's stressful. You have to do stuff like watch for someone trying to pull out fo a side street and let them out, or they'd be there all day, likewise you get let out when you're turning right, so you have to watch for people flashing you then go before they get fed up and drive on again. I can't cope with that sort of thing at all. I need driving to ahve concrete rules, the ones I passed my test under. I don't think quickly and intuitively enough to respond to these conditions.

I also can't see in the dark at all anymore. I went to an optician and was given a clean bill of health, so I don't have the night blindness people talk about. But I can't see! The light coming towards me blind me completely, and I can't judgge stuff like speed and distance from moving lights in the dark at all. I've had a few panic attacks which aren't very nice, you still have to get on and move your large lump of metal at speed to keep out of the way. Not recently as I've avoided the places I really can't see which are unlit roads. It's already affected my life as the A1 and A19 are examples of unlit roads so I can't go up home in the winter without carefully planning all my travel to be in the very middle of the day. I almost had a mishap in Leeds a couple of weeks ago with a speeding ambulance in the dark, I got out of the way but couldn't work out what to do next, I was at some lights. And I can't pull onto the motorway easily because I can't work out where everyone is and how fast they are going. All of this conspires to put an end to eldest's art lessons, unless hubby takes her. Since she's less than keen anyway I think they'll have to stop. Particularly since we're completely broke now.

So driving at night is pretty much going to have to end for me. I get the bus to our new church on Sunday evenings, that works fine. Other stuff will have to be worked out.

Daytime wise I still use the car for stuff where it really is worth it and there's no choice of alternative transport, but apart from that, I've been availing us of West Yorkshire's extremely good value family day rovers and planning our route on buses and trains. We walk more , made it to Morrisons, the doctors and the library yesterday, over a mile each way, without too much whining!

I think the day will come where I'll give it up altogether, and if we ever move again, looking at public transport would be a huge factor in choosing where to live. For now I'm in a halfway position. It's not going to get any easier though, driving that is. And it's set to get even more expensive. But more and more things in life assume everyone can, and has use of a car. I was all set to go to Halifax to a counsellor and that's been scuppered, it's down an unlit lane on an evening. It gets a little bit easier though when any new things we start doing take my hatred of the car into account, eg from now on there's no way I'd even look at going to Halifax at night, therefore no disappointment.

When I step back the concept that we should all zoom round in metal boxes that kill lots of people, clog the place up, pollute the environment and cost us huge chunks of our money, is pretty silly. But without one you get left of of lots of stuff. I have to decide if that's ok or not. Plus there's my kids to consider too right now, in a few years they'll be more independent, I'll almost certainly not bother by then.