Friend Rant

I argued with a friend. It wasn't even serious, and it should have been put right straight away, I tried.

Except she decided to blog about me to 'Carefully selected mutual friends' (her words). She's a huge fan of Livejournal where you have 'friends' like facebook and set each post to various levels of security.

She has about 200 friends there, so about 190 strangers can see the rant about me, then, damn damn damn, ten or so friends. Some of whom I like.

She blocked me so I can't see it. But news travels, words have wings. I don't know exactly what it says but I know she named me, and she accused me of not listening and rejecting her. By the time she posted it I'd attempted to be very accepting indeed. Several times.

This is a girl I know in person, not over the internet. Some of the mutual friends are internet acquaintances but I know two in person, was going to meet up with them in a couple of weeks actually. None of them have any knowledge of this blog, and nobody I know here has met them, so I'm not doing the same in return here.

Am I being childish, being so upset about this? An argument being broadcast to mutual friends and I wasn't supposed to know? I feel violated. It's too easy these days, with the click of a mouse, to broadcast everything to lots of people.

Maybe it's not the worst breach of trust ever now I type it out. But it's left a horrible taste in my mouth. I don't like it.

She poked my issues too over a friend I fell out with a few years ago, a much closer friend, which was a lot more serious. That friend used 'psycho-babble', Counsellor-speak, to justify anything she liked. Yesterday this new friend did the same. 'I couldn't listen to you. It's just that I always pushed my pain way down deep in the past, by acknowledging your pain I'd be pushing my pain down.' The minute that started I was, like, 'ARRGGHH, get me out of here!' Too familiar.

The talking about me to mutual friends is very familiar too, and last time round it caused loads of damage, people I'd trusted, really mature Christians in their 50s, turned up on my doorstep to tell me off about a load of twisted half truths. It was weeks later too when I was thinking it was blowing over. This time round all our mutual friends are just 'girls', nobody like that. But it still frightens me, makes me want to cut them all off now to spare myself more pain later. They're not really as important to me as all that yet, get rid of them now while it doesn't hurt as much. Which is stupid, they haven't behaved like my former 'mature' friends at all. Yet...

So loads of rubbishy issues there. As is normal for me. But the idea of blog post(s) ranting about me out there is really, really getting to me, I'm furious.

Do I forgive her and try to repair things when I've calmed down? Could I trust her with my friendship? Do I plod on with mutual friends as though nothing's happening? Do I stoop to her level and rant to them? (Why can I never do that?!)

Right now I'm off to take it out on a load of potatoes and cheese.